Stream start!
Start
Stream start (🎸 perms lost but we get a sick judge magni intro)
Intro start
VOD GANG
INTRO (Viewer Discretion Advised)—————————*[CASES]*
start
Bailiff Vesper: "All Rise"
*JUDGE* *MAGNI:* "Honorable in quotes to emphasize how honorable I am" *Bailiff:* -(Laughs)- _(Coughs)_
*Bailiff:* "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you *MAG?"*
JUDGE MAGNI: "let's see.. Is it *RAGGIS?"*
The session just started and Ragus is already guilty LOLAlso, thick Taco LOL didn't expect that hahahaha
*The* *Judge* *has* *bias?:* "I dated a girl from Northern Elysium..."
JUDGE MAGNI: "Regis? I will hold you for CONTEMPT!"
*(Laughing)* "Mr. Syrios? ORDER IN THE COURTS!"
*Bailiff:* "Fairest judge in all the land.. If anyone says otherwise, we'll kill them!"
"ORDER IN THE COURTS!"
The Judge describes what will happen...—————————
*1:* *How* *many* *holes* *does* *a* *paper* *roll* *have?*
*CASE* *1:* *How* *many* *holes* *does* *a* *paper* *roll* *have?**[The* *Two* *Opinions]*
"I know you're time is very valuable" *JUDGE:* "You're d@mn straight"
*Mr.* *Regis:* "This man has said some blasphemous things.. It makes me *SO* *ANGY."*
*Mr.* *Regis:* "There's evidence beyond belief it has _two_ holes"
*Mr.* *Syrios:* "Imma just keep it simple, It's got one hole"*[JUDGE* *MAGNI* *looks* *through* *the* *Records..]*
*"No* *that's* *bird* *law.."*
Bailiff Vesper's thoughts:
*JUDGE* *MAGNI:* "It's unfortunate that *47* *people* *had* *to* *lose* *their* *lives* over this.."
"Your honor, its *RAGGIS"**[ARGUMENTS]*
*Mr.* *Regis:* "It all depends on how big the space is between the two holes"
Really traumatized by Shaco
JUDGE MAGNI: But where do we draw the line?
Mr. Regis' counter: *"Size* *matters,* although sometimes it doesn't"
*Syrios'* *rebuttal:* "I wasn't listening.. why does he talk so d@mn much?" *JUDGE:* "Good point. let the record show!"
*Regis'* *Objection!* "Your honor! He's just attacking me on personal level!" *JUDGE:* "No.. let's hear what he has to say.."
"Convince the jury here! *look* *at* *them.."*
*Mr.* *Regis'* *argument:* "If you dig through the earth form one side to the other, is that one or two holes?"*[EXAMPLES]*
*JUDGE* *MAGNI:* "Present some examples"
Mr. Syrios: A hole is not a tunnel!
Mr. Regis: *Would* *you* *rather* *have* *one* *mouth* *hole* *or* *just* *a *B*tt* *hole?*
Mr. Syrios: Doesn't matter! *If* *there's* *a* *hole* *there's* *a* *way!"*
"if there's a hole there's a way" damn axelyou can actually hear a silent "what" probably from vesper ww
If there is a hole, there is a way. - Axel Syrios.
*Regis:* "Two ears.. do you consider that one hole or two?"
*JUDGE* *MAGNI:* *H* *O* *L* *E* *A* *G* *E*
*Mr* *Syrios:* "What does a hole mean? It means one hole right!" *JUDGE:* "Very interesting.."
*Syrios'* *Objection!* "I think he's eh.. making fun of me.." *(Vesper* *breaks* *down..)*
- (1)
"Objection, I think he's making fun of me"
- (2)
*JUDGE* *MAGNI:* "ORDER!! We can't be obscured by how big of a *DUMPY* they do, or do not have"*[Mr.* *Regis* *Spits* *on* *the* *floor?!]*
*Bailiff:* "That is not conduct befitting the court.."
*JUDGE* *MAGNI:* Do you know the paperwork I had to do to get you out of *your* *37* *year* *imprisonment?"*
Mr. Syrios suggests a stricter sentence
*JUDGE* *MAGNI:* "As for you *RAYGIS,* lick up that spit off the floor.. Return it from whence it came"*[The* *definition* *of* *a* *hole?]*
I opened the stream at this exact moment and i couldn't do anything but laugh
"I WILL NOT HAVE PUNS IN MY COURT HOUSE!
Mr. Regis' Definition
Mr. Syrios' Definition
altare takes a good hit of ceremonial copium
Regis inhales the *CEREMONIAL* *COPIUM**[INFINITY]*
ceremonial copuiem
Hey! Hey! Hey! That's ceremonial🤣🤣🤣
JUDGE MAGNI presents: *MATH*
"Is their not infinite holes between two holes?"
*Regis:* "I'm closer to being correct since two is closer to infinity than one."
*Syrios'* *objection!* Then define for me, what is infinity?"
*Syrios* *object's* *again!* "Define for me, what is a brain?"*[BRIBERY]*
Axel baits Altare perfectly
Regis bribes the judge with compliments:
*JUDGE* *MAGNI:* "I'm liking what I hear right now.."
Mr. Syrios: "I can say kind things to you sir.." *JUDGE:* "such as..?"
*Axel:* "I like you sir." *JUDGE:* "I think we're back on an even playing field.."*[Closing* *Statements]*
ayo
Mr. Regis'
Mr. Syrios'—————————
*2:* *Is* *Cereal* *Soup?*
*CASE* *2:* *Is* *Cereal* *Soup?*
Mr. Syrios: "No!"
Regis' Objection! And Syrios' Response! / Restaurant shaming...
*"Syrios* *Cereal"* "The judge can do any pun he wants!"*[RIP* *Mr.* *Regis..]*
*Bailiff* *Vesper* *SMACKS* *Altare..*
- when vesper smacks altare up a bit LOOK AT AXEL'S FACE LMAOOOOO
*smack*"that serve you, serve you right"*axel nodding excitedly*sO ADORABLE
That subtle nod from Axel as Altare gets smacked into the shadow realm, truly Justice has been served...
got me to laugh so much
"Is he dead?"
- the way Axel slowly turns and looks down at Reggie (who is actually under the table) absolutely killed my sidesThank you for this legendary stream! Bravo!👏👏
This is honestly one of the best things you guys have made. The comedy is so well done. I keep rewatching
- Axel: "Is he dead?"
personal timestamp
"Is he dead?" The way he said it was just hilarious!!! lol.
"Shorter than ever once again.."
Mr. Regis addresses the jury!
"ORDER IN THE COURT! Stop the tomatoes!" / Mr. Regis' regains favor through tomato love
Regis at realizing just in time that he was about to bring the 'is tomato a fruit or a vegetable' discussion into the mix with that line.
"ORDER IN THE COURT! Enough with the tomatoes!"
"50 years of torture and imprisonment." *Bailiff:* "what?"
*JUDGE* *MAGNI:* "The punishment fits the crime," well I have different saying in my courtroom.."—————————
*3:* *Would* *you* *rather* *die* *in* *10* *minutes,* *or* *live* *forever?*
*CASE:* *3:* *Would* *you* *rather* *die* *in* *10* *minutes,* *or* *live* *forever?**[Arguments]*
*Mr* *Syrios:* "I would die in the next ten minutes"
*Syrios:* "I'm just a humble man, I never think I'm winning" *Regis:* "Your honor he doesn't think at all." *JUDGE:* "Interesting.. I believe both points are correct."
How long is "forever?" / "Have you seen Jojo?"
JOJO!!!!!!!
.Warhammer fans: “Wait, I’ve seen this one before”
- Axel being a simple minded dummy lmaoooo it's so damn cute man, Vesper cackling "IT'S NOT ACTING" LOL
*Regis:* "This man doesn't have any conviction or ambition!" *Syrios:* "Can you explain it in simpler words?"
I LOVE that part and tone of his voice xD
dang i just keep coming back to watch this because it's so funny and they did so good at making us laugh so hard it hurts😭 my fave moment is Axel not understanding Altare's reasoning lmaooo ()
BAILIFF FUCKN DIES LMAO
*Mr.* *Regis:* "Your honor, if you want game perms I can give it to you"
Imagine a world where Hololive is not desperate for game perms.
Vesper laughing his head off in the background makes this the best part for me
*JUDGE* *MAGNI:* The only permissions that are being granted.. are the permission for *DEEZ*
for the best character breaking sequence for everyone LMAO
*NO* *CAP* *HAS* *BEEN* *INVOKED!*—————————
- Vesper enforcing the rule of No Cap while wearing a cap is slaying me
"NO CAP HAS BEEN INVOKED" *smack**various no cap murmering*
*4:* *Is* *a* *Hotdog* *a* *Taco?*—————————*COURT* *IN* *SESSION**[Introductions]*
*CASE* *4:* *Is* *a* *Hotdog* *A* *Taco?**[Mr.* *Syrios'* *Argument]*
Mr. Syrios: "I don't think so.. does taco have relish on it?
*JUDGE* *MAGNI:* "I don't think relish is a defining factor for a taco"
*Bailiff:* "What about a hinge cut sandwich?"
*Mr.* *Syrios:* "It's like calling Mr. RAGIS, Mr. Axel. They all have their names." *Mr.* *Regis:* "True However, a square is also a rectangle.."
*Mr.* *Syrios:* Objection! I'm too dumb so I can't answer this one.. *JUDGE:* "Interesting.."
*Mr.* *Syrios:* "Buns are kinda THICC in a hot dog.. But have you ever scene a THICC taco? I'm all about the buns."
*20%* *THICCUMS?* *20* *is* *fair."**[Mr.* *Regis'* *Argument]*
*Mr.* *Regis:* "Do you trust the *Oxford* *dictionary?"*
"Under the definition, a taco is, as says.. *a* *noun.*
*Bailiff* *Vesper* *loses* *his* *cool.."*
THE ABSOLUTE SLANDER
*The* *Jury* *gets* *a* *SMACK!* "Your honor that magmite's blood is all over the walls!"
*JUDGE* *MAGNI:* "I worry about the danger of letting the dictionary control us.."
*Objection!* If we could just look up the terms, why do we need Judge Magni?"
*Objection!* "I like nachos more too!"
*Mr.* *Regis:* "May I present a definition from the *Urban* *Dictionary* by a person named "Taco Girl" Lexi?*[They* *Agreed* *all* *along?* / *No* *touching..]*
"Are you both on the side that a hot dog is not a Taco?"
*JUDGE* *MAGNI:* “There will be no touching of hands in my court.. this is a seiso place.”
*Mr.* *Syrios:* “How do we touch each other then..?”
*JUDGE* *MAGNI:* "Mr. Regis! Where are your legs!?"
The tone was like about to say no touching hands, but then he said "where are your legs" is killing me
Axel almost does a spit-take. Honestly, Axels rigging and his awareness of where everything was on the screen for us was a highlight for me this stream.
"Mr. Syrios, do you have legs?" "Yeah." "Prove it." "No!" "Fair."—————————*CLOSING* *STATEMENTS**[Closing* *Statements* *Begin]*
“Mr. Syrios, do you have legs.”“Yeah. Yeah, I got legs.”“Prove it.”“No.”“Fair.”
*JUDGE:* So we've presented the situations...
"Before I give it up to the jury who is going to be suffering 50.. Hmm.. *_60_* years of torture..."
Mr. Regis' Closing -shilling- statements
Mr. Syrios' Closing statements*[POLL:* *Who* *is* *guilty?]*
*JUDGE* *MAGNI:* "This is a case of murder.. and the way we decide who is guilty is not through evidence.."
*The* *sentence* *increased* *again?* "In addition to the *_70_* Years of torture that they'll be suffering..
*Mr.* *Syrios:* I don't even know what it means to be guilty, so..."*[What* *is* *an* *Objection?]*
*Mr.* *Syrios:* “What does objection actually mean?"
"Bailiff would you care to.. answer?" *Bailiff:* “Do I _have_ to..??”*[Who’s* *_REALLY_* *guilty?]*
*Mr.* *Regis:* “Altare is 100% innocent, Axel is 100% innocent, now I’m looking at one particular judge here..”
My favourite moment. 😂💪💯 Altare with the final plotwist argument, Magni's angriness, Vesper's alibi, and Axel's Yagoo accusation.
DUN! DUN! DUN!!
*JUDGE* *MAGNI:* “I don’t like these allegations..”
Vesper provides everyone an Alibi...
*Mr.* *Regis:* “So if wasn't me or Axel… and it wasn't you or vesper.. than who was it?”
*Mr.* *Syrios:* “Please have a look at the person behind you…”—————————*THE* *VERDICT**[Altare's* *Sentencing]*
*JUDGE* *MAGNI:* "I am a Fair man.. Regis Altare *guilty* *74%"*
*Mr.* *Syrios:* What do I win?" *JUDGE:* You escape the *70* *Years* of torture.."
The Bailiff restrains Mr. Altare..
Mr. Syrios will decide on what Altare's voice Tweet Batsu will be..
*Mr.* *Regis:* "You'll never make me Do it!" *Axel:* "He kinda reminds me of Morty Screaming.."
"They're CENSORING ME!"
*JUDGE* *MAGNI:* I hereby sentence you to make a batsu tweet of baby talk..
Thank you For Tuning into this episode of Judge Magni! / The Hashtag to suggest future prompts!
*Additional* *Punishments:* "Your torture is set to end September.. *of* *2092"*
We’ll see you next time!
